Final Post-Sad Day!
Monday, August 30, 2010
I have wanted to put up one final post since returning back to the states but whenever I tried to get around to writing something I just didn't have the time to sit down and write. It's funny how you get back to the states and the busyness of life hits you hard! I was looking back over my journal entries the first few weeks of being home and it wasn't good-I had journaled about being angry, irritable and getting into frequent fights with people. Isn't that such a wonderful testimony of someone returning from a two month mission trip? Ha! I guess it was good for people to see that I was still human and that I'm not some perfect person, but I did have to frequently humble myself and apologize for my attittude, it hasn't been fun.
I have tried my best to process what I've learned from this experience but it takes time. This summer was probably the most difficult two months for me. I felt God was revealing all of my weaknesses and it was humbling. I was faced with numerous discouragments throughout the trip but felt that God was giving me a glimpse of what it would be like if I went into full time ministry. Being a missionary is not always exciting or glamorous, or some fun adventure. It's tough, frustrating and humbling. Yes, there are amazing moments and in the end the sacrifice is worth it but it's a big decision. Am I glad I went? Of course! I grew so much from this experience and was stretched in more ways than I can count. I felt God kept reminding me of his Truth from the scipture in 1 Peter 5:10, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." I believe God has strengthened and established me in my faith due to this summer.
The question I was asked the most (especially by my parents) is, "So, what are your future plans?" I don't know why people love that question so much but they do and it's hard to answer because my answer is not what they truly want to hear. To be very honest I am confused about my college degree and want to take more time off from school but what parent really wants to hear that? How can someone who is a "people pleaser," tell those who she cares about that I don't know exactly where God is leading me? I journaled about the thought of taking more time off from school a few weeks ago, "I am stressed because I know I am not living up to the expectations that are set before me. I have concluded though that I will never be able to meet those expectations and have failed miserably trying to please those certain individuals. I am tired of doing that and am just trying to deal with a correct attitude response." I found that God is again calling me to surrender my dreams and goals and it's scary because I am letting go of a specific direction and I'm not in control. As Ravi Zacharias said, "To allow God to be God we must follow him for who he is and what he intends, and not for what we want or what we prefer." And Francis Chan states, "The goal is to learn to live faithfully today." I am trying my best to continue to learn to trust God and what he has planned for my future but it never comes easily.
I think one of the biggest challenges in returning from a mission trip is to know how to apply what you learned to everyday life here in the states. I definitely saw the needs of the women while working with the Maasai and have decided to lead another women's lifegroup in my college ministry. I want to see young women become compassionate toward their sisters who are facing oppression worldwide and am excited to see how God will empower them to serve in various ways, either here or overseas. I also plan on being involved with a few other ministry opportunities but am waiting to see where God leads.
I just finished reading Mark Batterson's book, "Wild Goose Chase," and in one section he discusses how people in the Old Testament often built altars to God, he states, "Altars help us remember what God doesn't want us to forget." and "We need altars that renew our faith by reminding us of the faithfulness of God." Mark posed a great question by asking, "I wonder if Peter ever rowed out to that spot on the Sea of Galilee where he walked on water. Did Zacchaeus ever take his grandchildren back to climb the sycamore tree where he caught his first glimpse of Jesus? Did Lazarus ever revisit the tomb where he was buried for four days? Did Paul ever ride out to the mile marker on the road to Damascus where God knocked him off his high horse? Did Abraham ever take Isaac back to Mount Moriah, where God provided a ram in the thicket? And I wonder if Moses ever returned to the burning bush, took off his sandals, and thanked God for interrupting the forty-year routine of his life by giving him a second chance to make a difference."
I thought about that question for a very long time and I liked what he was getting at. I believe God uses trips and situations to get us out of our routine and help us see Him with new eyes. I don't know if God will have me go back to work with the Maasai in Kenya but I have memories, jounal entries, and numerous pictures that will always remind me of what I learned from this summer. I am so thankful for being able to have such an eye-opening experience and I pray that I won't grow numb to what I saw but will continue to 'express my faith through love' (Gal. 5:6), no matter where I may be. That is my prayer for my life.
I guess this ends my blog....for now.....until next time!
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| I am so happy to be back home with my pup. :-) |
