Kenyan surgery

Wow! I have so much to post...we are in Nairobi for the weekend so I'll be able to post journal entries from the past week. God is teaching me so much and I'm trying my best to take it all in. Here it goes!

Journal Entry 6-23-10
Me and MB stayed on the compound and went around to the various water tanks to test each of them...we have to wait 48 hrs for the results. In the afternoon we were encouraged to see an outpatient surgery. We were pushed into a tiny room were we stood in a corner with no gowns or protective gear whatsoever. A petite woman of 27 entered the room, slid her shoes off and hopped onto the table. She layed back, hands above her head, body trembling. The surgeons told her not to be scared and proceeded to clean her abdomen. The woman was injected with an anesthetic over the area where she was to be cut. A scapel was slid across her belly seconds after the injection, the woman grimaced in pain. I didn't realize what type of surgery we were watching until the surgeon had cut through her stomach and pulled out her Fallopian tube and showed it to us. I wanted to puke! The woman was going through surgery because she didn't want to have any more children. The surgeon tied both her tubes and used one stitch to sew her up. As the woman was going through the procedure the surgeons were laughing and calling her a coward because she kept flinching. I felt horrible. This poor woman was going through surgery awake and in pain and instead of the surgeons giving moral support and encouragement they belittled her! It broke my heart watching the procedure. Even though I was furious with the surgeons I was more upset at myself. I wish I would've held that woman's hand. I wished I would've prayed for instead I just watched. I regret not helping and being some sort of encouragement. Ugh!
Another part I hate admitting...I'm so embarrassed to write this-I had no clue what type of procedure we would see, once I saw the woman's stomach cut open and her eyes roll to the back of head I knew I should step out. I started sweating profusely and my head started to hurt-I told MB that I needed to leave as I was heading out I collapsed. I felt like I was being sucked into a twister-a neon yellow and green twister to be exact. Ha! I thought I was daydreaming but wasn't. As I regained consciousness I could hear voices but couldn't see anything. I found myself to be in the corner of the room on the floor. MB was beside me holding my hand, "I never saw anyone black-out before," was the first thing she said." Luckily, a doctor who was watching the procedure caught me, otherwise I would've had a concussion with a few stitches to my head. I recovered and was able to watch the other procedures.
Me and MB returned to our home in shock by what we witnessed this afternoon. We still can't get over the lack of sanitation and physical/emotional care a patient receives. We came home discussed, cried and prayed.

Satan is revealing and using my fears to undermine my faith: being unloved, and being mistreated physically and emotionally-are so present in this culture. I don't necessarily desire equality between men and women in every area but I do desire respect and love. These women are human beings who need encouragement. They need to be told that they are loved and not only told but showed through actions. I get so angry by the lack of genuine care. There is no such thing here. I hear God telling me, "Vengence is mine, Anna." "My love is steadfast, it never ceases." (Lam. 3:22) "Cast your anxieties on Me, for I care for you." (1Peter 5:7) I want these truths to ring clear in my mind.